My Story of surviving child abuse in a cult

My Story

The story starts in the year 1979.  My parents had fallen in love with one another at work.  Mum was a devout Catholic and my Father a Protestant.  Mum was raised in an abusive household, where often she was physically abused as were her siblings.  My Grandfather was an alcoholic.  My poor Grandmother only stayed with him for the sake of keeping the family together.  If she spoke out she would get beaten also.  My Father on the other hand was raised in a broken home, were my Paternal Grandfather had left when he was 6 years old, leaving my Paternal Grandmother to care for 4 children by herself.  Times were tough in the 50’s through to the 70’s.  I admire her efforts.

So back to 1979 and roughly around the fall of that year, my conception started.  Mum was a rebel, she constantly rebelled against her Father, so to find out she was pregnant with me, came as a bit of a shock and then anger hit my Grandfather.  He told her to abort me, that I was just a foetus.  Mum though told him no, and then went out and got married to my Father late 1979.

So about March, maybe April 1980 my Father was visited upon by two of Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Whilst I was still in the womb, he was offered a free home bible study.  Dad was interested in this because, the only bible he had ever looked at, had old style English language, which he failed to comprehend at times.  I think it was the King James although I cannot be 100% sure.  So to be shown this book, called New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, intrigued my father.  It was written in plain English.  Finally he could get to know God he mused.

Code words you will come across in this story are as follows, or as I call it Jdub speak.

Kingdom Hall – This is in effect a Jehovah’s Witness Church.

Field Service – This is what JW’s call the work they do when going door to door to preach to you, sometimes otherwise known as Ministry.

Pioneering – A pioneer in terms of JW’s talk is someone who comes to your door, but does it regularly.  Over the course of the month an Auxiliary Pioneer was required to put in 60 hours of this work.  A Regular Pioneer put in 90 hours of this work and lastly a Special Pioneer put in 120 hours of this work.  ( I was the latter, and I’m so sorry I knocked)

Theocratic Ministry School – This was a meeting at the Kingdom Hall which focused entirely on how to preach, examples of how to preach and what to say to people at the doors, if they came up with a question.  For instance – “I heard JW’s do not take blood”  They would have a 20 minute lecture already prepared at this type of meeting, for just such an event occurring.

Book Study – Again another meeting but it would be looking at one of the JW’s books, reading a chapter from it and answering questions from it.

Bible Study – This would last approximately 1 hour in your own home, looking at the bible and looking at JW’s book Reasoning from the scriptures.  This is a book that has the JW definition of the entire bible, from one chapter and verse to the next, their definition.  Someone elses understanding of it, is not the truth in their eyes.

The Truth – This is what JW’s call their faith.  They call it The Truth.  Other examples I’m in the truth, when you have the truth.  etc etc

Elder – A term used for an appointed member to shepherd the flock, meaning essentially a bishop or priest.

Ministerial Servant – This term is for members who are pretty much just trainee Elders.

Governing Body – The term for the people who sit at headquarters, a bit like the pope.

WTBTS – Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, this is the parent company of Jehovah’s Witnesses also known as Bethel.  It’s in New York, USA where these headquarters are based.

144,000 – Also known as “The Anointed”  These people according to JW’s have a heavenly place.  Everyone else has an earthly place after Armageddon in a garden like paradise.

Armageddon – The JW’s belief is that only JW’s will survive this.  It is Gods way of ridding the earth of all that is evil and wicked.  This is anyone who does not do what it says in their bible.

New System – Means their garden like paradise here on earth, where no one dies, no one get’s sick or grows old, everyone is full of energy and get to play with the animals like lions and tigers and bears.  (Oh My)

NWT – New World Translation – This is the Jehovah’s Witnesses interpretation of the bible.  (Side note, many Greek and Hebrew scholars have said that the JW’s have not translated the bible correctly from Hebrew and Greek, to English.  In fact even an ex Governing Body Member, had admitted this on tape before he died)

Partaking of emblems – The 144,000 are only allowed to do this.  Every year around about Easter, JW’s hold what is known as a Memorial Service.  Up on the stage there will be 3 cups and 3 plates containing Red Wine and Leavened Bread.  This is to represent the passover.  Anyone else taking these emblems who are not members of the 144,000 will be disfellowshipped.

Disfellowshipped – Meaning that you are cast out from the Jehovah’s Witnesses.  You would still be allowed to attend their meetings, but only be allowed to sit at the back.  You are not allowed to talk to any other members, and they are not allowed to talk to you, including blood family members unless on strict need to know basis.

Convention – A gathering of JW’s and is held over the course of 3 days.  It is like the meetings only much more longer and dreadfully boring.

Shunned – The action of not speaking to a disfellowshipped member. In fact, every member of the Jehovah’s Witness organisation is to treat former members as if they are dead.  They have not to answer their texts, phone calls or emails and even cross the road when they see them in the street.  This is especially upsetting to those who have blood family members within the community, mums, dads, grandparents, children etc who treat them like this.  Ultimately and sadly, many do take their own lives as a result of this cruel practice.  It is a captive organisation down to the fact that many do not wish to leave, even if they don’t believe in it anymore simply so they can retain a relationship with their family members and spouses.

Apostate – A baptised member who has left the faith.  In JW’s terms these people are mentally diseased, and try to form their own religions and draw followers after themselves.

Continue reading “My Story of surviving child abuse in a cult”

I’m not afraid of you anymore! I don’t care that I made you cry!

Navigating Dreams

I suppose I will just start typing then. Because this is one of the wackiest dreams I have ever encountered and vividly remembered. Dreams are symbolism’s and what is part of your psyche, unconscious thoughts coming to the fore.

Dream starts with me being in my house. My man comes home with two of his pals and a few beers. I’m glad he is home because my friend wants to take me out for a quick drive. It’s a sunny day. I feel great, the warmth beating down on my back. I’m wearing a light blue top and shorts. I push up the sunglasses from the bridge of my nose.

Dream Jumps,

We pulled up to an old side street, one I knew from when we lived in West Kilbride, but a lot more darker and dismal It was still sunny, but there was a dark cloud over this house. It was a mid terraced and there were old tyres out the front and bits of rusty spiral metal just laying across the grass. There was Old ?Wally? and just like usual he shouted at us to “Get away!” I keep telling you to stay away.

Dream jumps,

I am instantly transported to another house. I feel fear, I run upstairs and trying to hide myself and something else. The fact I’m smoking. I’m hiding it. In comes my father shouting and cursing. Then he finds the cigs I had just hidden. He storms downstairs, still shouting and cursing. I go back outside and into the car my friend is driving. We pull up in front of an ice-cream van. I have £5 just enough for 2 more (inconspicous items) I end up back at the house my father is in. There he is, sitting in a chair as if he is frozen in time. He can’t do or say much, he’s completely frozen in time. It’s as if he is completely shocked with the fact that I was smoking. I stand over him “Do you ever wonder why I smoke?” I ask him in an irate menacing tone. “It’s because you made me smoke!” I feel a small pang of guilt as I watch the tears flow silently down his cheeks and then instant gratification and deep satisfaction.

Dream Jumps,

I am following two men I have never met before. They look like the cowboys from old films, but not old enough John Wayne. Old enough 80’s style. These two men are a bit older and they have an idea to re-open this cinema. It had only been opened 32 years, before it became dilapidated. The two men re-opened it. They sent around an invitation for something he would be sure people would attend. The cinema was packed full. Mickey Rooney was there. They suddenly got very irate “What’s the meaning of this Joe?” with pure anger and discontent at the fact they had been dragged out to this failed establishment. Eventually they just sat and watched this movie. One by one people started to leave the movie theatre. A row of ten had left. Then another and another. Only a few left. “That is who is is worthy of love and your jackpot win!” Joe Thought.
Then I’m sad to say I woke up. I could have stayed there in my psyche as it is a wonderful place for deep exploration, but I think suffice to say, my wacky mind, is a scary place to be sometimes. Especially when the abuser always graces my dreams. I have woke up and shouted, I’m not afraid of you anymore. I don’t care that I made you cry.

I’m not afraid of you anymore
I don’t care that I made you cry.


Just like the heading says, girl hit 160 times and dies from it. Jehovah’s witnesses believe wholeheartedly that to spare the rod, means to spoil the child. How many times I heard this myself when growing up as a witness and there were times when I thought my father took it too far with the spanking he gave us.


Jehovah’s Witnesses BE BRAVE

A new elders manual has just been leaked. My own opinions on that are,

Still not enough #JehovahsWitnesses. It is not said that where a child comes forward, this matter should be handed to the police straight away. In my experience they sent my father home, with me who was no longer a minor, and my sister who was a minor. This is told by us in Panorama suffer the little children. That aired in 2002. Watch it here! https://youtu.be/jwna6OzIcpc

Also on my blog where I go into extensive detail about the matter and this comes with an advisory trigger warning. I cannot even read what happened to me anymore because it is far too upsetting. https://silentlamb2silentnomore.wordpress.com/2015/07/28/my-story-of-surviving-child-abuse-in-a-cult/.

And many years later no longer hiding behind a blackened image, I decided that it was time to expose this cult for all that had happened to me. They of course say that I am a liar. That is their standard stock response. But they know I am not lying.


In my view and in line with bible scripture, they should have phoned in Child protection and the police right there and then, and then phoned the legal department. It has taken us so long to get this far. It looks like it is going in a right direction, I will give them that. But it has taken us “whistleblowers” so to speak to make it happen. Meanwhile we are being shunned by former members for such whistleblowing or as they like to call it, mentally diseased apostasy.

Dear Watchtower, I am not giving up until you put into policy and practice, the right thing to do. The right thing being, when a child comes forward with an allegation of child abuse, no matter which country in the world you are in, phone child protection and the police. It’s that simple. GET IT IN PRINT. Instruct your elders to do that, and we will sleep a lot easier at night. You cannot prevent child abuse. But you can do the right thing after learning of the fact.


Christmas, I was not allowed

So if you have not figured it out yet, my blog is mainly about my experiences or about my hate for the evil practices within a religious sect, cult whatever you wish to call it. I myself use the word cult throughout my blog and so will continue to do so.

As a child, Christmas was withheld from us.  “It’s PAGAN!” came the cries of many Jehovah’s Witnesses.  This was a belief from the year 1927.  Before this, Jehovah’s Witnesses did celebrate Christmas.

Continue reading “Christmas, I was not allowed”

“We reject apostate driven lies”, says Stephen Lett – (Governing Body Member of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society and Jehovah’s Witnesses)

Lies?  LIES?

Read all this new information that has become publicly available yourselves and then come to your own conclusions.

Given what I experienced, I know I am not lying Stephen.  And neither are these other survivors of the child sexual abuse perpetuated onto them and the cover ups that has been going on for so long.

Continue reading ““We reject apostate driven lies”, says Stephen Lett – (Governing Body Member of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society and Jehovah’s Witnesses)”

Honor what God has yoked together.

Adam meme

Nice headline? Well if you are christian of course it is.  Of course you believe that God yoked your union, blessed it and all that lovely stuff.

Great start.  But what if that union was somewhat not all that it was cracked up to be. What if one of those spouses was abusive towards the other? What would you do? I know what I would do.  Many people would (eventually) seek help from organisations such as Women’s Aid or The National Domestic Violence Helpline.

These organisations prove to be just a couple of the many out there, ready to help others and we know men get abused too but my blog is merely subjective of women this time because the organisation that I flame when they release yet some more, shocking material is anti-gay and expects women to be submissive to men.  So sorry snowflakes if I burst your bubble a little bit here when I say this one is mainly directed at those women.  The evidence I have is golden in that, it verifies exactly 100% how Watchtower feel about women in abusive relationships.

I refer you to December’s Watchtower Magazine which is the study article (meant only for JW’s but they no longer keep it secret because we called them out on their secrecy to the public) which shows just how much they applaud women who stay in abusive relationships.  They also seem to think that it is only men who are not JW’s that will carry out this brutal, selfish, unkind and totally inhumane act towards their JW women.

I need to leave names out so I will call them Bob and Rachel.  (Not their real names)

Bob was a ministerial servant in my old congregation here in Scotland and was married to the lovely Rachel.  They looked like the perfect couple at the Kingdom Hall (JW church) out in the field service (JW bible bashing at your door on a Saturday morning) and at the group study on a Tuesday evening (a bible study which was parts of the congregation held in smaller groups at one of the JW’s houses)

They looked like the perfect couple, always clean, well dressed.  He had a car a good paying job, they had a beautiful house all bought and paid for and she had the OCD of keeping it clean.  I don’t know if she always had it.  We knew there were problems eventually.  She came to the hall once with a black eye, and sun glasses to cover it up.  He got smarter and bruised her in other places which could be brushed off as an accident.  Then one Thursday evening, Rachel was not there.  We asked Bob if she was ok.  She was not.  She was in hospital but apparently did not want to worry anyone and that she would be out in the morning.  He would let us know when we could come an see her.

Well, it was a few weeks before we got to see her and only at home.  So we went, and she  in quite a panicked state, said she was not expecting visitors, should have phoned first so she could tidy up a bit.  The house was spotless.  Gleaming in fact, probably cleaner than Buckingham Palace.  It was so clean it was like you just walked into a show home.  As far as I am aware they are still Jehovah’s Witnesses to this day.  They had a daughter somewhere between the late nineties to early noughties. I have no idea where they are now, whether Rachel decided that enough was enough and kicked Bob out or go to one of the organisations (not watchtower of course) mentioned above to help her.  I don’t know if he finally did it and killed her after all his brutal beatings towards her.  I have no clue.

So I find it quite astonishing that Watchtower is even suggesting in print (even though all us apostates already knew this) that domestic abuse is not a reason to leave a husband.  Fancy that! Getting the shit beat out of you by the man you fell in love with and are losing love for every single day, scared of every single day is not enough reason in Watchtowers eyes to leave? Like women who stay with their abusive men are revered to high status, whilst the others who left only get a quick mention? And what about the children who are caught up in the midst of all of this chaos in their own homes?  What do they do when they see their daddy hitting their mother.  What do they do when they hear her cry at night.  They are just children and they should not have to continually witness such events because you told the mother to go back home with him and pray more to jehovah.

Watchtower just what the actual hell are you playing at? Playing with people’s lives in this way.  And just before some “worlding” bites my head off for this and says well she should know to go to the police, sorry no she does not.  Not in that organisation.  Watchtower is literally God.  The elders are revered to high statuses so they always take their problems to them.  They don’t want satan’s media (according to them) involved.  They don’t want more blackening of the name Watchtower or JW dot org whatever they are calling themselves nowadays.  No.  They call the Sweep It Under the Carpet Division and keep it secret.

I have literally had enough of this organisation destroying families.  These women should be encouraged to contact the police, not go back to dear old hubby, and pray each time he raises his fists.  NO!  ENOUGH!  Watchtower you are sanctioning the act of abuse from the young to the old.  Enough of these human rights atrocities.

You can read here, their inane drivel  for yourself.

And watchtower, before you have a go at me for copyright, well this is just an excerpt of what you have stated in your magazine.  Just in case you decide to, oh I don’t know, delete and say we never said that.

Inane drivel.png

I wonder how the governments of the world are going to feel, about this one. Maybe this will make them shut your cult down? A cult that is telling it’s members to stay in abusive relationships?  RUSSIA WAS RIGHT!

Father’s Day!


Today on the 17th June 2018 is father’s day.  The kids have all this excitement in them, to treat the man that fathered them and still is to this day.  I have seen this happen in front of my own eyes with my own little cherubs.  Their faces light up with pride and happiness, giving their father a gift is a special thing.  But the relationship between father and son and father and daughter is unlike any other.  It’s knowing Daddy will sort it.  It’s knowing that he will always be there, protecting the home, shooting the imaginary monsters hiding in the cupboard and being childlike whilst also being able to pull off that serious demeanour when they have done something naughty.

Continue reading “Father’s Day!”

After I went public


This is my story to tell and I have told it.

I told some of it to Betsan Powys, a reporter for the BBC.  I appeared anonymously on Panorama Suffer the little children.   It aired in 2002.

Why did I go anonymous? Simply because I was ashamed.  I was ashamed this had happened to me.  I felt somewhat guilty, because that was what I was made to feel by the shepherds called Elders who lorded over the congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses I was part of.  That imprinting stuck with me right on into my adult years.

Finally, 15 years on from this I went completely public with my story here.

I was asked many questions from family members why now? Why did I do this?  After all this time surely I would be able to put this all to bed.  He’s been convicted, he has paid his dues, his time in prison etc etc.

Why did I do this?  

Continue reading “After I went public”

IMPORTANT Announcement regarding GDPR Laws, the XJW and the Jehovah’s Witnesses currently attending Kingdom Halls around the world.

Like the title says this is important and is a matter of urgency to get this out to people who now say, they can tell Watchtower to delete their files.

Please listen to Alex as she explains what this means for child abuse victims or anyone who is on the road to suing Watchtower at the moment or somewhere down the road in the future.

As many people are aware, according to new GDPR LAWS mandated by the EU, now means that Watchtower have now written this form for all congregants within the organisation.

Do not put anything into writing to Watchtower until you have sought LEGAL ADVICE

Please read the following web page at JWVICTIMS.ORG for more details. And please, share, mirror create a blog post or whatever to get this important information out to every xjw and pimo JW on the earth.